what NOT to bring on a date

things that you might want to reconsider bringing on a first date
1) a book to read in case you get bored.
2) your parole officer
3) spouse
4) Your mother
5) Your three kids
6) Your other date
7) A) Heavy blunt object 7) B) Duct tape 7) C) a shovel
8) colostomy bag
9) Chlamydia
10) your level 3 sex offender registration certificate
11) chloroform
12 through 14) Scott Peterson fan club shirt. OJ Simpson fan club shirt. Robert Blake fan club shirt.
15) Your security Blankie
16) your Batman Underoos
17) Yeast Infection
18) Hockey mask
19) restraining orders
20) Release from liability form and inkpen
21) your well worn blow-up doll
22) the 'voices'
23) cross, garlic and wooden stake